The Score of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Hcobb
Summary: Haruhi wants to live life as an action heroine as in the movies, but to Kyon it quickly turns into a slasher flick.
1. Chapter 1

[SHnY] The Score of Haruhi Suzumiya, chapter one. By Henry J. Cobb

[The Haruhi Suzumiya characters and situations are the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. Other than that, he's blameless for the following.]

"Ah ha!" Haruhi Suzumiya threw open the door of the Literature Club room. "I thought you'd be in here."

I looked over the shoulder of the crazy girl, who had introduced herself to our class as wanting to live her life like the movies, and saw one person in the room. By her slight frame, I would have judged her to be a middle school student at most, but she wore the smallest North High School girl's uniform I had seen.

The smaller girl looked up from the book in her lap. She had very pale skin, short blueish gray hair and large glasses. She sat there for several seconds looking at us silently, but she seemed distracted, as if she was listening to something. Perhaps she wore one of those tiny radios that would be hidden in the ear?

Suzumiya, who had recently cut her own hair short, marched over to the corner where the girl sat and pointed at her. "Are you in the Literature Club?"

The girl nodded.

"Is there anybody else in this club?"

The girl shook her head.

"What is your special power?"

The girl's eyes darted to myself, then back to Suzumiya. She leaned back in her seat and lifted her book up to hide her face.

"That's enough, Suzumiya." I walked over to them. "Isn't it obvious that you're scaring her? Let's go before you leave her emotionally scared for life."

"No." Suzumiya turned to me. "This is the only clubroom available and there's only one person here. Obviously she must play an important role."

"What kind of logic is that?"

Suzumiya turned back to the smaller girl, placed a hand on the top of her book, and forced it down from her face. "Spit it out. We're not leaving until you tell us what is special about you."

"Suzumiya, that's enough."

"Close the door." The girl's voice quavered in a whisper.

"You heard her, Suzumiya. Let's go."

"Close the door, Kyon." Suzumiya stood with arms crossed, a smug smile on her face.

"Fine, if that will get this over with." I closed the door and then returned, to drag Suzumiya away by force if need be.

The girl put her book down in her lap again, then whispered, "I hear music."

"Ah ha! I thought so." Suzumiya clinched her fist in victory. "What kind of music?"

The girl looked down at her book. "It isn't songs, just instruments. It doesn't repeat." She looked back up at us with a faint blush on her face. "I know it sounds crazy, but it helps me. Last week I was about to step into the street while reading a book, and the music changed. I looked up and saw a truck pass by. I know you won't believe me."

"Of course I believe you. That is exactly the sort of superpower I want in my club. I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, action girl, and this is my boy hostage, Kyon."

The girl put her book aside, rose and bowed to us. "I'm Yuki Nagato. Hostage?"

Suzumiya ignored my glare. "You know, he gets kidnapped or threatened to call me into action. He's my Lois Lane."

"What?" I stood there shocked.

"Does, does that mean he's your boyfriend?"

Suzumiya tilted her head to the side and thought about it for a few seconds and then she turned to me with a smile as bright as a supernova, just before a star would collapse into a black hole. She put her arm through mine. "I suppose he must be, for the proper motivation and such. But Kyon, this is no excuse for you to slack off. We have to keep the tension up. Your job will be to complain and stumble into mysteries. Promise that you won't surrender to me, no matter how many times I'm proved right and rescue you."

"Rescue me from what?"

Suzumiya grinned and turned to Nagato. "What did your music sound like just then?"

"Ominous."

"See? It's foreshadowing. Yuki, you must join our club."

"What is your club?"

"Yes." Suzumiya released me and rested her chin on her hand. "It needs to be a top secret organization, and we'll need a cover story to deal with the school authorities. Yuki, do you have application forms for the Literature Club?"

Suzumiya tagged alongside as I walked down the hill from school. Was she serious about my being her boyfriend? Didn't I get a vote about that?

"So, what is an action girl?"

"Let me show you, Kyon. Now watch me carefully." Suzumiya did four backflips down the hill, then ran back and stopped me in place with a half dozen kicks that stopped millimeters from my nose. She then stepped up, grabbed me by the arm, and pulled me into motion again. "So Kyon, think carefully about this."

"Think carefully about how you almost kicked me in the face?"

"No, that's not it. The real question is, what color are my panties?"

"What? What kind of question is that?"

"You didn't see them, did you?" She grinned.

"Uh." It was only Suzumiya's grip on my arm that kept me walking forwards. The memory of a few seconds back was etched in my brain. The sense of danger had been immediate. "Sorry, I didn't see them. My eyes were focused on your shoes."

"See, I've got a magic skirt."

"It looks like a standard North High school uniform to me."

"It doesn't matter what I wear. I'm never exposed."

I didn't know what to say to that so I walked in silence. I had known that all the sports clubs had begged her to join, and now I had seen why for myself. That had been an example of Olympic class athletic ability.

At the station she spoke up again as I was unlocking my bike.

"Give me a ride to your house."

"Why?"

"I want to meet your family."

"What, to announce our engagement?"

"Nope. We've got to keep that a secret. Now do you want me to sneak after you, or will you give me a ride?"

"Yeah, yeah."

She rode in the same fashion that Sasaki had a few months previous, standing on the back of my bicycle with her hands on my shoulder.

My little sister seemed pleased that I had brought another girl by, but not half as much as my mother was. Suzumiya agreed when my mom asked her to stay for dinner.

At dinner my mom was full of questions which Suzumiya cheerfully answered. Suzumiya explained how we had both joined the Literature Club that day and even brought up her own top class standing in middle school, unbidden.

"I'm amazed that a girl like you would go to North High. Even with cram school, it was the only school that would take my son."

"What?" Suzumiya turned to me. "Is our schoolwork really all that hard, Kyon?"

"Yeah, yeah, I get by."

"I'll help him with his studies, Ma'am."

"Oh would you, dear?"

"No problem. We're in the same class after all. Kyon, what's your cellphone number?"

My mom told her as she entered it into her phone, then she made a test call right there, so I "would have her number handy".

After dinner I escorted Suzumiya to our door.

She grabbed me and leaned in close. For a moment I thought she might kiss me or something, but instead she whispered in my ear, "Thanks, Kyon. Now that I know what your family looks like, I'll be able to rescue them when they get kidnapped." She stepped back. "Well, goodnight. I'll see you in class tomorrow." She waved and walked away.

I didn't need Miss Nagato's so-called gift to have an ominous feeling myself. Suzumiya had said when, not if.

As I turned back inside I saw my mother standing there.

"She's such a nice girl. I fully approve."

That makes one of us, Mom. Unfortunately I didn't give voice to my doubts.

"Do you want to die, Kyon?"

I looked up from my bento at my fellow classmate. "Taniguchi, can't these death threats wait until after lunch?"

"It's not a threat, it's a warning about Suzumiya. At the start of each school year in middle school she'd find herself a boyfriend, and by Christmas he was gone. The first year boy just vanished one day, the second year boy fell off an overpass and under a truck, and the third year boy was found in the school quad the morning after Tanabata, with parts scattered around. After that, nobody would go near her. Sure, Suzumiya's got the looks, but is it really worth it to be victim number four?"

I had heard on the news about the brutal killing, but because the case had involved minors, no names had been given. "If Suzumiya is a murderer, then why hasn't she been arrested?"

"Oh she had a stone cold alibi each time, but the one and only thing the three boys had in common was her."

"Well you've got it all wrong. Suzumiya is not my girlfriend."

"For your sake, you'd better keep it that way." Taniguchi removed his hands from my desk and walked back to his.

Most of the class had seemed to ignore his outburst, but our class representative, Ryouko Asakura, had been watching it carefully. She turned away when our eyes met. I could see why Taniguchi rated her so highly. In looks, grades and athletic ability, she was second only to Suzumiya, but in sanity she far surpassed her of course. Another difference was that Asakura had kept her long hair. When she pulled that back into a ponytail for PE she had the definite advantage. If only she'd talk to me.

Taniguchi had waited until after Suzumiya had left for the cafeteria, and to "patrol the school", before making his scene. A pity, as I would have liked to see Suzumiya's legs again, as she was kicking his nose in. I had replayed her demonstration in my dreams last night, but with an erotic twist added to the danger. I had dreamed that I had caught one of her legs, and kissed my way down it, as she made approving noises. I had awakened just as I got to the hem of her skirt. Her madness did seem to be rubbing off on me.

After classes Suzumiya rushed off for parts unknown, so at least I didn't have her tagging along with me on the walk to the clubroom.

Miss Nagato was sitting in her corner chair by the window and looked up at me when I entered the clubroom.

"Hi, Miss Nagato. What's your inner music saying now?"

She blushed and hid her face behind her book. Strange girl.

The cover of her book had a title in western script. English, German, French or something like that. I turned to the two bookshelves and glanced at the spines of the books there. Perhaps a third of the titles were foreign and none of the Japanese books appealed to my tastes.

I sat down at the table and took out my homework, having nothing better to do at the moment. After five minutes staring at the same math problem, I was startled when the door flew open.

"Look who I brought!" Suzumiya dragged in a girl shorter than herself, but who had a fuller figure, and long brown hair. The new girl seemed to be too terrified to resist, as Suzumiya pushed her into the clubroom then closed the door behind them.

"Where did you kidnap her from?" I spoke up to try to lighten the mood.

"I found her in one of the sophomore classes."

"Why did you kidnap her?"

Suzumiya reached from behind to grab the other girl's chest. "She's so small and cute, but she has a bigger pair than I do! And they're real! Having her around is sure to attract the sorts of villains who swing the other way from you, Kyon."

The girl squealed loudly under Suzumiya's attentions.

The door flew open again. A girl with long dark green hair was standing there. "Unhand Mikuru at once!"

"Damn! I should have locked the door. Well, I found her, so she's mine."

"This is your final warning. I am the eldest daughter of the Tsuruya family, and heir to the Tsuruya crane style." Miss Tsuruya adopted a martial arts pose.

"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, and I say bring it." Suzumiya pushed her captive behind her and turned to face Miss Tsuruya.

Tsuruya advanced, and in no more than ten seconds the two girls traded at least a dozen kicks and punches. I couldn't track it all, but it seemed as if every attack was blocked. I was amazed that neither girl seemed to bump into the wall or table, in spite of the narrow space they fought in.

Tsuruya took two steps backwards to the open door then bowed. "My compliments to your teacher, Miss Suzumiya. Please take good care of Mikuru."

"I'm self-taught."

"As you say." Tsuruya bowed again, but just slightly, and closed the door behind her. I didn't hear her footsteps, so she might have been waiting there just outside the door, but then again she didn't seem to make any noise at all when she moved. Tsuruya seemed to have a natural grace and quietness about her. If at that moment somebody had warned me that the Tsuruya family headed a ninja clan, I would have believed them, and it would have saved so much trouble later on.

Suzumiya rushed over to lock the door, then turned back to her prize. "Well, Mikuru, what's your full name?"

"Mikuru Asahina. What's this all about?"

"You heard Miss Tsuruya. You're mine now, so you're going to join our club."

"But I'm already a member of the Calligraphy Club."

"Then quit that."

Miss Asahina looked around the clubroom. Miss Nagato was still hiding behind her book and I just shrugged.

Suzumiya advanced to use her slight height advantage to stare down at Miss Asahina. "Look, I can tell that you have some sort of special power. Tell me about it."

"But there's nothing unusual about me." Miss Asahina started to shake under Suzumiya's insistent gaze.

My pity for the newcomer overcame my fear. "Forget it, Suzumiya. She's not going to play your game."

"Oh?" Suzumiya turned to Miss Asahina. "Mikuru, please tell us about your totally ordinary life."

"The Tsuruya family found me on their doorstep as an infant and raised me as their maid. That's it. There's nothing unusual about me at all."

"Fine, you're free to go for now." Suzumiya unlocked and opened the door. "But, Mikuru."

"Yes?"

"Come here tomorrow after classes with your maid outfit. You can drop it off in this room when you arrive at school."

"I can't do that."

"Tell Miss Tsuruya that it's an order from me."

Miss Asahina nodded timidly at this, then rushed through the open door.

As she walked beside me down the hill from school, Suzumiya seemed especially pleased with herself.

I decided to risk popping her bubble. "So what happened last Tanabata?"

"You heard about that? I suppose one of the other students from my middle school must have tipped you off. A tragic case. I've resolved to never let it happen again."

"So won't I be the next dead boy hostage?"

"The difference, Kyon, is that I will not work alone again. I'm gathering a team of extraordinary students. This time when the enemy moves to take the bait, that is you, I'll have them."

"What? Okay, I'll admit that you've got great fighting moves, but Nagato and Asahina aren't a match for a small dog, combined."

"If I just wanted fighting strength alone, I would have recruited Tsuruya, not Mikuru. No, I need somebody to cover my blind spots. Being able to see everything about what I see just isn't enough."

"So why me? Why not some other boy?"

"When you gave me the idea for starting the club. I saw that you were going to be in it. I hadn't paid much attention to you before, because you're ordinary, but then when Nagato asked, I saw that we two were going to have a relationship."

"Are you saying that you can see the future?"

"No, I see tropes."

"Is that a kind of ghost?"

"No, it's a cinimatic convention. Like when two people get into a mixup at the start of the movie, and it's clear to everybody watching that they're going to be a couple at the end. It's not like I love you or anything now, but I can see where the trope is headed, so I'm along for the ride. I think it'll all work out, probably."

"Life isn't like the movies. And what do you mean, probably?"

"Well any trope can be subverted, and that's not the only trope I see in you."

"Oh? Then what are the other possibilities?"

"It seems just as likely that your death will inspire me to become an even better hero. Either way is fine."

Fine with you, Suzumiya, but not with me.

She insisted on riding home with me again, and when my sister asked if she had come to play, Suzumiya insisted that she had to help with my homework.

My mother seemed especially pleased as she brought tea and snacks to the living room. She even got Suzumiya to call her 'Mother'.

We finished our homework just after my father arrived, and this time she only said she'd see me in class the next day.

"Kyon, it's a pity that she couldn't stay for dinner. Please let her know that she's welcome any time."

"Yes, Mother."

On Friday afternoon I opened the door to the clubroom to the sound of Miss Asahina's shriek. She had just changed out of her school uniform and was standing there in bra and panties.

I jumped to the side, waited for Suzumiya to enter, then closed the door behind her.

I stood guard at the door until I was invited in.

"What do you think, Kyon?" Suzumiya pointed at Miss Asahina, who now wore a maid outfit.

"She works as a maid, as she said."

Suzumiya clapped her hands twice. "Mikuru, make us tea." She pointed at the tea set that hadn't been there yesterday.

"Yes, Ma'am." Miss Asahina bowed then set to work.

Suzumiya had her serve each of us tea, even Nagato who had been reading a book through all of this. Then she asked me. "Well Kyon, what do you think of the tea?"

"It's very nice. Obviously she's been practicing making tea for many years, as part of her job."

Suzumiya switched to a foreign language and engaged first Nagato and then Asahina in conversation. Nagato seemed to understand what was said, but had a harder time speaking herself, while Asahina seemed perfectly fluent.

Then Suzumiya switched back to Japanese. "So, Mikuru, where did you learn French?"

"I don't know French."

"Ah ha! I told you, Kyon."

"Told me what? And where did you learn French, Suzumiya?"

"From subtitles. Now, Mikuru, let's get your measurements." Suzumiya pulled a measuring tape out of her bag.

I made my exit. There had been a strange note in my shoe locker that morning and this seemed as good a time as any to follow it up.

-HJC


	2. Chapter 2

[SHnY] The Score of Haruhi Suzumiya, chapter two. By Henry J. Cobb

[The Haruhi Suzumiya characters and situations are the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. Other than that, he's blameless for the following.]

On Friday afternoon I left the girls playing dress-up in the clubroom. Suzumiya had already talked Miss Asahina into bringing her work outfit to school. What other humiliations did she have planned for the poor girl?

Well I had my own mystery to solve. This morning I had received a letter in my shoe box. "Come to classroom 1-5 after the other students have left."

When I got there I saw only one person. "Ryouko Asakura? Is this your note?"

"Yes." Our class representative beckoned me over.

"What is this about?"

"Haruhi Suzumiya has been too boisterous lately."

"You can't blame me for her behavior. If you don't want her talking in class then tell her yourself."

"I've got something here that will change her mood." She smiled and flipped up her skirt. There was a black leather sheath clipped to the side of her panties. She drew a military style combat knife from this.

"What?" I stood stunned.

"Oh, excuse me. Am I interrupting something? Do you two need some privacy?"

I turned to see Suzumiya standing in the doorway.

Asakura twisted my left arm behind my back and held the tip of her knife to my throat. "Stay back."

Suzumiya walked up three steps.

"You're killing him, Suzumiya." Asakura nicked my throat ever so slightly.

"Did you bring a second knife?" Suzumiya took another step towards us.

"What kind of question is that?" Asakura pushed me slightly to the side to get a better view of Suzumiya.

"It's just that if you stick your only knife into him, then you won't have anything left to defend yourself when I kick your ass."

"Take him!" Asakura pushed me forwards and moved to the side.

Suzumiya vaulted over me, pushing me down with her hands as she twisted around to deliver a kick. I landed hard on my back and saw Suzumiya's kick connect on Asakura's knife hand. There was a loud crack and the knife flew through the air to land with a clatter on the floor.

"Ow! You bitch! You broke my wrist." Asakura grabbed her right wrist with her left hand.

"Where did she get the knife, Kyon?"

"What?" I lay there stunned.

"You wouldn't have walked up to a girl who was holding a knife, so where was she hiding it?" Suzumiya grabbed my right arm and pulled me to my feet.

"A sheath on the right side of her panties."

"Thanks." Suzumiya flipped up Asakura's skirt, pulled out the sheath, then slapped Asakura's backside with the sheath to urge her towards the door.

"You're letting her go?"

"Do you want me to kill her, Kyon?"

"Can't you arrest her or something?"

"I'm not a cop. She can't fight like this and her own organization puts a high price on failure." Suzumiya watched Asakura walk away then put a finger against my lips.

From the corridor I heard Taniguchi's voice.

"Asakura, what happened to you?"

"I fell and hurt my wrist."

"Let's see if the nurse is still here."

Suzumiya waited for their footsteps to fade in the distance then leaned over and licked the blood from my neck.

I stood there and watched as she walked over to pick up the knife. She slid this back in its sheath then turned away from me to lift up her skirt and presumably clip this onto her own panties.

"So, Kyon, is it obvious?" She twirled around.

"Only if you know what to look for. Why do you want her knife?"

"I'll add it to my trophy case. Come on, I'd best escort you home."

My sister weaseled herself into our homework session that afternoon, but Suzumiya didn't seem to mind.

My mother was beaming as if she'd won the lottery when she brought snacks over. "Kyon, Haruhi's been so generous with her time this week, why don't you treat her to lunch on Saturday?"

"Mom, I don't think I can afford."

"I think you can, Kyon."

"Mother, does he have any plans for Saturday?" Suzumiya used the term so freely. She had already weaseled her way into my family, right in front of me.

"No, Haruhi. He just sits around the house on Saturdays and plays video games."

"Then I'll borrow him for the full day. We can go sightseeing, if you don't mind?"

"Not at all." My mom decided the issue on my behalf.

I didn't have the heart to tell her about Suzumiya's habit of putting boys under flowers or her cold blooded reaction to my own near murder an hour previous.

"I'll come by at nine a.m. to pick you up, Kyon, and I'll have you home before sunset."

"Can I go along with big sister Haruhi?"

My mom looked between my sister and Suzumiya. She seemed to pick up some sort of secret message before replying, "No, Dear. You get to see enough of her every afternoon. They need some time to themselves."

I escorted Suzumiya to the door and leaned in to whisper to her, "Why are you doing this?"

"Do you feel safe wondering around the city on your own?"

"Not anymore."

My sister greeted Suzumiya at the door on Saturday morning, but found her insistence for tagging along politely declined.

I waited until we had traveled some distance from my house on my bicycle before speaking up. "Thanks for not parading my sister around to become a target."

"I suspect that she'll be used as a hostage against you at some point anyway. Just give me a call and I'll come running."

"How did you know that I was in trouble on Friday?"

"Let's see if you can't work it out for yourself before our club meeting Monday."

"Will I get a prize?"

"It would certainly impress me if you did."

Suzumiya had me pedal all over the neighborhood that day and then treat her to lunch using the extra allowance my Mom had given me.

When we got back to my place I had to walk the bicycle the last few blocks, because my legs were too worn out to pedal anymore.

She made no move to enter my house as I was locking my bicycle up on the porch so I asked her, "What was the point of all this?"

"This date? It established a pattern. Now you'll be available every weekend. See you in class Monday, Kyon."

On Monday morning Asakura came to class with her right arm in a cast and sling. Taniguchi of all people volunteered to pass out the handouts for her. He even fed her when she pretended to have problems using chopsticks left handed. I don't think he realized her true agility.

Haruhi returned from her lunchtime patrol with news of a mysterious transfer student. She ran off after classes to find this person.

Fifteen minutes later she walked into the clubroom with a puzzled expression on her face.

This was a new one for me, so I decided to ask, "What happened, Suzumiya?"

"I couldn't find that new transfer student. They said he'd already left the classroom when I got there." She sat at the table across from me.

Asahina had just brought Suzumiya's teacup over, when there was a knock at the clubroom door.

"Yes?" Suzumiya paused with the cup half raised.

A boy in a North High uniform entered. I suppose girls would have considered him handsome, except perhaps for his sleepy expression. "Hello Miss Suzumiya, sorry for the delay. My dream had been a little unclear as to the exact route here, so I got a little lost. I'm Itsuki Koizumi, nice to meet you all. My special power is dreaming, so I hope you won't mind if I take a nap. Just put the application next to my bookbag and wake me up when it's time to go." He sat down next to me, and rested his head on his crossed arms on the table.

"Uh, do you want some tea?"

"Is it decaf, Miss Asahina?"

"Uh, no."

"Never mind then. It just keeps me up." He closed his eyes and was soon lightly snoring.

"What a diligent worker." Suzumiya beamed at the sleeping newcomer, then rose and walked to the blackboard. "And now our five man band is complete."

"A band?" I asked, "Are we supposed to play instruments or something?"

"Each of us has our own instrument. That is how I was able to tell Miss Suzumiya that you were the one in danger, Kyon."

"What?" I looked over at Nagato, who had put down her book.

"When I heard the piano tempo building up, I knew you had to be in danger close by and I pointed Miss Suzumiya back towards your classroom. Then her guitar joined in against Miss Asakura's oboe."

"And these other two?" Suzumiya asked her.

"Mr. Koizumi has a drum set and Miss Asahina uses her own voice, either humming or singing nonsense syllables. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that you are doing it, Miss Asahina. That's just how it sounds in my head."

"No, that's fine, I think?"

"And yours?" Suzumiya asked.

"The electric bass guitar." Nagato blushed. "I know it sounds silly."

"No, not at all." Suzumiya had written down on the blackboard the names Haruhi, Kyon, Yuki, Mikuru and Koizumi, along with the instruments Nagato had named.

"No wonder you found a room all alone. It must be torture sitting in the classroom each day surrounded by the sounds of all the other students."

"No, Kyon, it's worse than that. Most people don't have music. Miss Tsuruya has the Shamisen, and there is another sophomore girl who has the harp, and that's it. When I'm in the classroom I hear only my music and the rest of yours faintly in the distance. Not even my grandfather has music."

"So when did this start?" Suzumiya asked.

"When I woke up at the end of the Golden Week of my first year of middle school. I thought the hospital was playing the music over the intercom, but it followed me home when my grandfather picked me up to clear out my parents' things. If only it had started a week earlier, I could have saved them."

Suzumiya's face went white. She stared at Nagato for half a minute, then swallowed and said, "You poor thing. But don't worry, you're among friends now. We'll look after you." She put down the chalk, walked around the table and shook Koizumi by the shoulder.

"What?" He looked up sleepily.

"Your dreams, did they also start at the same time?"

"Yes." He looked around. "Do you have the application form?"

"Oh! Sorry." Nagato went to the bookshelf and pulled out a form for him.

Suzumiya turned to Asahina. "Mikuru, what were you doing during Golden Week three years ago?"

"I went with Miss Tsuruya and her family to Paris. I didn't understand the people or writing there, and nothing happened."

"I see, I see. Well, Brigade dismissed. I'll see you all here tomorrow after classes."

"Brigade? Is this the army?" I asked.

"Well it's something of a secret army. The Save the World by Overloading It with Fun Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade or SOS Brigade. But it's all top secret, so don't tell anybody."

I certainly had no desire to do so, but one thing was bugging me. "Miss Nagato, how do you know Miss Asakura?"

"She was the only one from my middle school to visit me in the hospital. She told me about a vacancy in her apartment building and helped me move in. I've been going over to her place to fix meals since her arm was injured."

"You don't mind that she tried to kill me?"

"She said that was a misunderstanding, and promised that she wouldn't do it again."

As she rode on the back of my bicycle, Suzumiya leaned down and said, "What does Yuki hear in you, that I don't see in you, Kyon?"

"Assuming she has any such power, perhaps she just listens to people important to her?"

"So why just one other student at our school? Another martial artist? That could be very useful to know. My trope insight tells me that you will be important to me, but also that you're nothing special. A plot token, but not an especially powerful ally."

"If you just want a trophy boyfriend, then how about Koizumi?"

"Fu, fu, fu. You're not getting off the hook that easily, Kyon. The enemy already has you down on their list."

"So what was the great Earth-shattering event that happened to you during Golden Week three years ago?"

"I attended a baseball game with my family. There was so many people there. Fifty thousand people. Then I looked down at the field. I knew nothing about baseball and even less about the two teams, but suddenly I saw which players would be important. When I went home I saw a hero in the mirror. I tried sharing this with some boys in middle school. The ones who took me seriously, or at least pretended to do so, well you heard what happened to them. But this time it'll work out better, probably."

I was not reassured. "What about Miss Asakura? On Friday you said that some sort of organization would do away with her, and yet she returned to classes, and seems to be on good terms with both Taniguchi and Nagato."

"I said that her organization would deal with her if she failed. What does it mean that she's still around?"

"It means she hasn't failed."

"You are a smart boy, Kyon. Perhaps you'll last longer than the others."

"Well, what good is she now that she's blown her cover?"

"I was quite aware of her nature, if not her allegiance, when I entered the classroom at the start of the semester. She's the one who's been rigging the draw to keep me in the seat behind you. So go on, Kyon. What additional value does her organization gain from having me know that she works for them?"

"The only thing I can think of is that now she can speak for them."

"Excellent. An A+ observation. The last question on this pop quiz is why should they need to send messages to me?"

"Either you have something they want or you can do something for them."

"I knew I made the right choice when I picked you, Kyon. I could tell from her body language that she was being very careful to not hurt you. Therefore there was no cost to calling her bluff."

"If you knew it was all fake, then why did you break her wrist?"

"A wrist is the price for pulling a knife on me. A neck is the price for pointing a gun at me. We've reached your home, so time for your tutoring. We can discuss this further tomorrow."

-HJC


	3. Chapter 3

[SHnY] The Score of Haruhi Suzumiya, chapter three. By Henry J. Cobb

[The Haruhi Suzumiya characters and situations are the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. Other than that, he's blameless for the following.]

Monday evening I lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling as I tried to come to grips with what had happened that day and the past week.

Itsuki Koizumi had been the final straw. "My special power is dreaming." Who walks into a room and says that? Who asked him? Nobody. Nobody does such a thing, ever.

There is no such thing as special powers. It's all a lie. Somebody had told him to say that. They were all in on it.

As for Miss Asahina. What had she shown? The magical ability to speak French? Tell that to tens of millions of French people. Her cute helpless girl act was all an act. She had been briefed on what to say.

Perhaps Miss Nagato wasn't lying. Maybe she just suffered from auditory hallucinations from the grief of losing her parents. She was just being manipulated. By whom? By none other than Haruhi Suzumiya.

Even Miss Asakura had to be Suzumiya's pawn. She had been sent to Nagato's hospital bedside to shape the poor girl's delusions and then took her under her wing to prepare her.

Why was Suzumiya doing all of this? For some sort of sick enjoyment? Perhaps, but where would she get the resources to pull this off? She didn't seem all that rich and her parents wouldn't bankroll such a huge conspiracy, just for her amusement.

And then there was Asakura's wrist. Even if she was just faking the injury there would have to be a really big reward waiting for her. Where was the payoff? Some sort of drug deal? I wasn't in much of a position to deliver on that.

And the way Suzumiya had broken Asakura's wrist. If They were going to fake this, then she wouldn't have used my untrained body as a platform to make her attack. Yes, she claimed the knife before I could examine it, but the tip had been cold sharp metal against my neck and it certainly sounded like metal as it clattered on the floor. Nobody kicks a hand holding a real knife and certainly not while balancing on an untrained person.

Suzumiya had a one in a million, perhaps even one in a billion acrobatic talent. There was no way to fake that, but no reason to suggest that such a person could not or should not exist naturally. Logically there should be a half dozen people with a one in a billion talent across the world, and a good chance of finding such a person in Japan.

So Suzumiya was right. They, whoever They were, wanted to make use of her talent. She was an innocent victim of some sort of organization that was preying on her delusions of grandeur. Nagato, Asahina and Koizumi were all in on it. Perhaps Asakura was their manager.

And what was their plan? It must be as Suzumiya said. They intended to use me a hostage to force her to do their bidding. Suzumiya would make a perfect assassin. She was an ordinary looking Japanese girl who could kill dozens with her bare hands. They would sneak her into an embassy or some other protected place and use her talent with complete denability. Only Asakura need know the details while the others where simply hired as actors who didn't know the full script.

Who could I trust? Not the insane Suzumiya, and certainly not any of Asakura's gang. Taniguchi had spent the last three years spying on Suzumiya and was now hand feeding Asakura. Only Kunikida seemed innocent enough. He had followed me from middle school, but They had been using other hostages at that time. Even if Kunikida were innocent, what right did I have to pull him into this deadly game?

So even if I couldn't trust anybody, who could I rely on? If They were planning on abusing Suzumiya's insanity then I would also. I might be expendable, but she wasn't. They can't shoot her, and if I kept close to her, then They wouldn't have a clear shot at me. I just had to play along and be the boyfriend she imagined I was.

My mind resolved, I turned over and tried to sleep. There was something bothering me, I had overlooked somebody. I racked my brains, but couldn't figure it out before I finally drifted off.

"You're a little wobbly this morning. Something on your mind, Kyon?" Suzumiya readjusted her grip on my shoulders.

"I was up late thinking about you, Haruhi." I focused on my pedaling and let the spring morning air wash over me.

"That's sweet. What about?"

So she didn't react to my using her personal name. I decided to press further. "What kind of things you like. If it takes you long to walk to my house each morning. Stuff like that."

"It's not far."

"So when are you going to show me to your folks?"

"That's such a hassle. What happened to the last boy? Shall we visit his grave together, and such. But tell you what. Let's have a date on Friday, my treat. You just need to buy the refreshments. Is that okay with you, Kyon?"

"Sure." If she was treating, why was I buying refreshments? What kind of date was this?

That afternoon at the clubroom, Suzumiya gathered together the five application forms and the club approval form. "Just a few things to sort out. First, the club president is Kyon."

"What?" Nagato looked up from reading her book.

"Well, Yuki, do you want to run around dealing with the school bureaucracy or would you rather stay here and read books. It's your choice."

"Sorry." Nagato returned to her reading.

"Kyon, go find a faculty adviser."

"Anything you say, Haruhi." I accepted the papers from Suzumiya, who didn't seem bothered by my use of her personal name around others.

As I stepped out alone from the clubroom, I briefly worried for my life, but I soon dismissed the thought. They had worked so hard to build up the credibility of Nagato's alleged precognition. They wouldn't let doubt be cast on it so early.

Itsuki Koizumi, once again sleeping back in the clubroom, had also claimed precognitive dreams. Why would They double up on precognition? Perhaps the plot would involve Koizumi giving a vague outline to work from, followed up by last minute herding by Nagato? And that left Mikuru Asahina, serving tea in her maid outfit. She hadn't claimed any sort of special power at all. Perhaps she was just an innocent bystander that Suzumiya had delusively chosen? Something about her introduction did not add up.

I found our homeroom teacher Mr. Okabe at the handball court, as was usual for him after classes. He was astonished that I would apply for the Literature Club, much less be chosen as their president, but agreed to sponsor the club, if I'd keep Suzumiya from causing any further trouble.

I dropped the completed paperwork off at the student council offices then made my way back to the clubroom.

"So, when do we get the budget, Kyon?"

I took Suzumiya's greeting as an indication of trust that I had completed the task she had given me properly. "They'll consider our application at their meeting on Thursday."

"Very well. It can't be helped then." Suzumiya walked around the table to shake Koizumi's shoulder.

"Hmmm?" He woke up and looked at her. "What do you need the money for, Suzumiya?"

So he was only pretending to sleep so he could listen in?

"To get a computer."

"I can buy one." He stood and gathered his things. "Let's go."

"You don't need to."

"No, my father has done quite well as a day trader for the past three years. So I might as well repay the favor."

"Yuki, do you know anything about computers?"

Nagato shook her head at Suzumiya's question, then returned to reading her book.

"Mikuru needs to get to her job, so we'll just take Kyon." Suzumiya tapped me on the sholder.

Suzumiya quizzed Koizumi about what to look for in a computer as I followed the two of them down the hill from school.

Koizumi insisted on standing next to us on the train, rather than taking a seat, as he said this would help keep him awake.

I'd had about enough of his flimsy story, so I decided to take a poke at it. "Koizumi, you said your father was a day trader?"

"Yes, that is so."

"So that means he works at home, and you moved recently because of your mom's job?"

"No, she assists him. We haven't moved since I was born, though they did just pay off the mortgage."

"So, why did you have to transfer?"

"I didn't have to transfer, but I dreamed that I would."

"And your parents let you transfer on the basis of a dream?"

"They've come to see the value of my dreams." He covered his yawn as he looked at the station sign. "This is our stop."

Suzumiya pulled me out of my seat by my arm. "That is the sort of dedication I expect from you also, Kyon." We followed after the sleepy eyed boy, walking arm in arm like any other girlfriend/boyfriend pair, though perhaps in most such relationships, it would be the boyfriend who was leading.

Koizumi led us to the store where his father had purchased his latest computer, then took a seat while Suzumiya badgered the salesman about the choices. When she was looking at the desktops I asked if they'd deliver.

"Huh? Kyon, aren't you going to carry the computer home then bring it to school tomorrow?"

"And the monitor?"

"Very well, let's go look at laptops."

Suzumiya's eyes got all sparkly as she looked at the features of the high end laptops, but I pointed at the sleeping Koizumi. She selected a lower end, smaller model, then woke him up to pay for it.

When we got back to my house, she was distracted with setting up her new toy, but still found time to look over at my homework and berate my mistakes.

Wednesday at school, Suzumiya pulled her new toy out of her bookbag instead of running her usual patrols between classes. Fortunately the school wasn't overrun by ninjas, terrorists, or pandas. Perhaps they hadn't gotten the word yet?

"Kyon, what's the password to the school's wireless network?"

"How should I know that?"

She ran off somewhere with her new toy at lunch. When she came back she seemed more absorbed with it.

I waited until we had all gathered at the clubroom before asking. "So, did you beat the password out of the geeks?"

"Hmmm?" Suzumiya looked up from her laptop. "No, I could tell at a glance, that they'd melt for a ditsy clueless girl. Feminine attention is a rarity for them."

"That seems unusually humble for you, Haruhi."

"I used to not bother with the subtle uses of my power. Hindsight is perfect even without it. Come on, it's time for our study session." Suzumiya packed her schoolbag, then stood and shook Koizumi awake.

He yawned, looked up at her, said "six pm", and gave an address downtown.

Suzumiya looked over at Nagato, who nodded, then she grabbed my arm, "Come along, Kyon. There are lives at stake."

As she dragged me down the hill by her left hand, Suzumiya traced lines in the air with her right hand. "None of the bus or train lines will take us there in time, so we're on your bike."

"All the way downtown? You memorized the bus schedules?"

"I was bored and there was nothing else to read at the time."

Later she urged me on from the back of my bicycle, her hands clasped on my shoulders. "Hurry up, it's important."

"I'm worn out and can't go any faster."

"Very well. Kyon, stop here and we'll switch places. I'll peddle and you can do the fighting when we get there."

Somehow I found my second wind.

When we reached our destination I almost fell to the ground when she jumped off my bike. As I leaned against the bike, bent over and panting, I saw her stroll into an alleyway. Two high school age delinquents had a woman cornered. She may have been in her late twenties, but it was hard to tell. She dressed sloppily and life had been hard on her.

"Look, I don't want any trouble." The woman looked at the pair.

"Bitch, you got trouble right here." One of the delinquents grabbed at her tattered coat.

"Is this a private party, or can anybody join in?"

The delinquent released the woman and turned to Suzumiya. "Go away girl. This doesn't concern you."

"I think it does."

He pulled out and opened a switchblade. He walked towards Suzumiya. Suddenly he had a shocked expression as she put her hand on his and yanked him to the side. He stumbled forwards, flipped over his arm and then there was a loud crack. The knife dropped from his fingers as he held his broken wrist with his other hand.

His friend saw that Suzumiya hadn't even slowed down. He turned and ran.

Suzumiya reached down to grab the woman's arm, then twisted it behind her back, and pushed the woman against the wall. "Haruhi Suzumiya has a three point memo for your boss."

I stood up. "Haruhi? What are you doing?"

"Point one: Nishinomiya is Haruhi Suzumiya's town."

"Haruhi!" I leaned the bike against the alleyway wall and started walking towards them.

"Point two: Haruhi Suzumiya does not approve of selling drugs to minors."

I stopped. The situation had just done a blackflip in my head.

"Point three: Your boss can pick up the next messenger Haruhi Suzumiya sends to him at the morgue."

I stood there while Suzumiya had the woman repeat the points back to her. Tapping the woman on the head with her free hand when she got something wrong. Finally satisfied, she released the woman, who collapsed sobbing and begging for her life.

I picked up my bicycle. "What was that all about?"

"What did it look like?" Suzumiya walked towards me like nothing had happened. She might as well have been whistling.

"Like a drug deal gone wrong."

"I thought you said you didn't have any special perceptions?" She waited for me to mount the bike, then got on behind me.

I pedaled away, my fatigue forgotten in my haste to get away from that place.

On Thursday afternoon Suzumiya greeted my late arrival to the clubroom with, "How much did you get, Kyon?"

I sat down next to the ever sleeping Koizumi and looked over the room. Suzumiya had added a schooldesk to the end of the table nearest the window to rest her laptop on, and sat there in a swivel chair. Nagato was in her usual spot beside her, reading a book, and Asahina had just stood to get me tea.

I turned back to Suzumiya and finally replied. "They said they wanted to see a club budget first before they'd hand over any money. They need to see our plans for the year."

"So make one."

"I don't know anything about a club budget."

"Yuki."

"Yes?" Nagato looked up from her book and turned ever so slightly towards Suzumiya.

"Did the retiring seniors leave you their Literature club notes?"

"I think so."

"Hand those over to Kyon."

"Okay."

I watched Nagato search the bookshelf for a moment, then turned back to Suzumiya, "So Haruhi, what do you want in this budget?"

"Whatever, it doesn't matter. Just make it look good. It's all for show." She returned to whatever she was doing on her laptop and ignored the rest of us as Nagato and Asahina helped me sort through the old club notes.

After the study session at my house, my sister asked if she could bring a schoolfriend over on Friday for Suzumiya to help.

"Sorry, but I've got a date with Kyon on Friday."

"Oh, where are you going?"

"It's a secret, so don't tell anybody."

"Oh, okay."

I turned away from the door and saw my mother's beaming smile. I was half tempted to tell her everything, but instead I just walked past her to my room.

Friday afternoon we skipped the club session and went straight to the train station. Instead of getting my bike, Suzumiya had me follow her onto the train. We rode downtown, then walked to a run down commercial center, finally entering a movie theater that must have been older than my parents.

The man at the counter continued to read his newspaper as Suzumiya approached. He said, "Sorry, we're sold out."

"You don't have two tickets for Haruhi Suzumiya?"

He looked up. "Oh, hi Haruhi. Sure do." He reached under the counter and pulled out two tickets.

At the refreshment stand Suzumiya had me order a box of candies, a large tub of popcorn, and an extra large drink. She picked up napkins and two straws.

I couldn't complain about the prices. My mother had practically thrown an extra allowance at me that morning. I could easy afford to pay for a fast food dinner afterwards, should Suzumiya so desire.

Suzumiya had me hold the treats on the armrest between us so she could have both hands free to make gestures while we watched the Hong Kong kung fu flick with Japanese subtitles. The man at the counter hadn't been lying, the theater was packed and the ancient air conditioner couldn't keep up, especially with the obvious poor hygiene of most of the fans.

I was stunned at one scene. The actor on screen used exactly the throw that Suzumiya had used on that teenage punk.

After the movie Suzumiya met with some of the other movie goers outside the theater.

"Who's the new boy, Haruhi?"

"He's Kyon."

"A new boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

"Think he'll last longer that the other ones?"

"I hope."

On the train back to our station the question finally bubbled out of me. "Did you learn your martial arts by watching movies?"

"Yes."

I sat there for several seconds. She wasn't making a joke. She really meant it. "You know they fake the fight scenes in movies, right?"

"Yeah, so I have to make corrections. It's no big deal."

"No wonder you need money, if you're going out to watch movies all the time."

"No, the theater owner lets me watch for free."

"Why?"

"He used to have a son who was a drug addict."

-HJC


End file.
